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Will J.C. Penney's Massive Makeover Win People Back?
J.C. Penney is challenged. Against a backdrop of suburban shopping mall decline, the retailer has to attract a new generation while earning forgiveness from the long-time customers it spurned in its last makeover.
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Deleted Comments Of The Week: Uh-Oh, Wonkette’s Killing White Folks Again!
Happy “Big Game Sunday” — as all the ads which haven’t paid the necessary licensing fee must call it — O ye Wonkers! Are you rooting for the one team of giant men who will suffer permanent brain damage for America’s amu
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Pro-Lifer Buys Abortion Clinic To Offer Women Enticing New Range Of BS ‘Choices’
Look. We know that the very essence of the anti-choice movement is based on just stone cold lying to women, legislatures, courts, whatever. From telling people that AIDS can get through condoms to informing abortion-having sluts that they’ll pr
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More Stories Of Incredibly Stupid Restaurant Customers
Welcome back to Off The Menu, where we bring you the best and strangest food stories from my email inbox. Today, we’ve got one of the classics: stories of fantastically dumb restaurant customers. As always, these are real emails from real readers. I
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Mean Old Government Trying To Stifle Corporations’ Sacred Right To Screw Consumers
First, Elizabeth Warren decided to persecute fraudulent banksters by naming names of corporate bad actors who were the opposite of persecuted. Senator Warren, have you no shame support of a Justice Department that merely equates fines to justice? Yep, pre
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Scientists Aroused By 99-Million-Year-Old Spider Boner: Your Saturday Nerdout
Hope you kids are ready for some full-on nerding today, because it is Saturday and we have news that brings together two of the best topics possible: Science and sexxytimes. Oh, sure, the sexxytimes involve arachnids, but that was never a problem for Toby
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These Idiots Again, Minus Some Idiots: Your New Hampshire Republican Debate Open Thread!
Hey, just to prove that Democrats aren’t the only party to hold debates on a weekend evening when nobody except political junkies and shut-ins — hahaha, like there is a difference! — will be watching, there is actually a Republican debat
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Fine, Here Is Your Bernie Sanders On SNL Already. Are You People Happy Now?
As everyone knows, there are two objectives for any political candidate appearing on Saturday Night Live: Get your face on SNL, and do it without embarrassing yourself too badly. And don’t even try to match the performance of Jesse Jackson when he w
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Hillary Clinton And Ted Cruz Go To The Olive Garden With Satan. Your Weekly Top...
Guten Morgen, Wonkers, WTF does that headline even mean? Did Hillary Clinton and Ted Cruz actually have a caucus with Satan at the Olive Garden and that’s how she winned all those coin flips in the Iowa caucuses? Ted Cruz was just there because he l
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Gisele Bundchen Sends Message To Patriots Fans For Supporting Tom Brady
New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady had quite the 2015.
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Patriots' AFC Championship Loss Summed Up Perfectly In Memes
The New England Patriots' AFC Championship Game loss to the Denver Broncos on Sunday was met with myriad emotions — and, of course, memes.
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Does Bill Belichick Have Any Regrets in Loss to Broncos?
There was a lot of second-guessing going around New England after the Patriots' AFC Championship Game loss on Sunday.
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Broncos Still NFL's Biggest Cheaters
There's nothing that will change the fact the New England Patriots lost Sunday. But Patriots fans might feel better if they take a few shots at the Denver Broncos on their way out.
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The Most Absurd Moments for The Patriots and The NFL
Monday marks the one-year anniversary of the day NFL fans found out that some people really, really care about the air pressure in footballs.
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Manti Te'o's New Girlfriend, Model Jovi Niicole, Is Real This Time
It looks like Manti Te'o has found himself a new girlfriend. This time, though, she's real.
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Top 12 Team USA Basketball Snubs
Basketball is in the midst of a golden age of talent.
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Jordan Spieth Buys $7M Dallas Mansion With Indoor Basketball Court
Jordan Spieth reportedly bought a mansion worthy of the No. 1 golfer in the world.
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Stephen Gostkowski: Patriots' Family Atmosphere Begins With Robert Kraft
The Patriots' family atmosphere starts with their owner.
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Did the Patriots Strategy vs Miami Help Their Playoff Chances?
But Belichick's plan, unlike the gamble in overtime vs the Jets, at least worked out because New England escaped their final regular season contest seemingly without any further injuries.  
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Why Did the Patriots Fall Flat in Miami?
Keshawn Martin and Brandon LaFell contributed three catches for 11 yards against one of the poorer pass defenses in the league...that isn't getting it done and is unacceptable.
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Floyd Mayweather Shares Photo Of New Pet Tiger On Instagram
Floyd Mayweather is one of the richest athletes in the world and he's not afraid to show it.
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Bill Belichick's Locker Room Message To Patriots
The New England Patriots are officially on the grind.
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The 12 Best Heisman Trophy Winners
The Heisman Trophy, one of the most prestigious awards in sports, will be handed out for the 81st time to the best player in college football.
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Rory McIlroy Reportedly Engaged To Girlfriend Erica Stoll
Don't expect Rory McIlroy and Caroline Wozniacki to rekindle the flame anytime soon.
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Conor McGregor's 10 Best Trash-Talking Moments Will Leave You Crying
Conor McGregor says a lot of crazy things.
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Are Tom Brady and Darrelle Revis Feuding?
The speculated breach between former teammates Tom Brady and Darrelle Revis?
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UFC's Pound-For-Pound Fighter Rankings Entering 2016
The UFC made major strides in 2015, and it gave mixed martial arts fans plenty of exciting events featuring the sport's best fighters.
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The UFC's Best Moments Of 2015
The UFC reached new heights in 2015 with a year full of memorable fights, historic upsets and fighters becoming global superstars.
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Sean Doolittle Was Psyched To See 'Star Wars'; His Girlfriend? Not So Much
Sean Doolittle is a huge "Star Wars" fan, which wasn't the greatest thing for his girlfriend Thursday.
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You'll Never Guess Mark Wahlberg's Pick For Greatest Boston Athlete
Mark Wahlberg is part of Tom Brady's epic Boston crew, but does he think the New England Patriots quarterback is the greatest Boston athlete of all time?
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Side-By-Side Video Of Tom Brady's Combine Run, Reception Is Glorious
Tom Brady might be 15 years older, but he hasn't really lost a step.
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Rob Gronkowski aka Chef Gronk Cooks Turkey For 'Gronksgiving'
There's no way there was anything better in the Gronkowski household than Thanksgiving.
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Mark Cuban Addresses Rajon Rondo Trade With Brutal Honesty
The Celtics' starting five and rotation have felt a bit like a mad science experiment this season, but it appears Brad Stevens finally has found the perfect formula.