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Top Democrat Insists Party Will Hold Senate — But Turnout Is Key
hide captionThe Democratic National Committee chair, Rep. Debbie Wasserman Schultz, D-Fla., speaks to party members during their meeting last summer in Scottsdale, Ariz. Ross D. Franklin/AP The Democratic National Committee chair, Rep. Debbie Wasserman Sc
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Mean Old Government Trying To Stifle Corporations’ Sacred Right To Screw Consumers
First, Elizabeth Warren decided to persecute fraudulent banksters by naming names of corporate bad actors who were the opposite of persecuted. Senator Warren, have you no shame support of a Justice Department that merely equates fines to justice? Yep, pre
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Scientists Aroused By 99-Million-Year-Old Spider Boner: Your Saturday Nerdout
Hope you kids are ready for some full-on nerding today, because it is Saturday and we have news that brings together two of the best topics possible: Science and sexxytimes. Oh, sure, the sexxytimes involve arachnids, but that was never a problem for Toby
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These Idiots Again, Minus Some Idiots: Your New Hampshire Republican Debate Open Thread!
Hey, just to prove that Democrats aren’t the only party to hold debates on a weekend evening when nobody except political junkies and shut-ins — hahaha, like there is a difference! — will be watching, there is actually a Republican debat
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Fine, Here Is Your Bernie Sanders On SNL Already. Are You People Happy Now?
As everyone knows, there are two objectives for any political candidate appearing on Saturday Night Live: Get your face on SNL, and do it without embarrassing yourself too badly. And don’t even try to match the performance of Jesse Jackson when he w
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Grifty Marco Rubio Got $69K To Teach Two Whole College Classes Once In A While
Given that in Sarah Palin, the GOP has a person who is the all-time undisputed world heavyweight champion of grifting, we tend to overlook that some of the rest of them are also absolutely spot on in their abilities to get people to give them money for fu
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What Should Tennessee Do About Kid Who Shot Girl Over A Puppy? How About ‘Day-Drink’?
You might have thought last October’s story about the 11-year-old Tennessee boy who murdered an 8-year-old neighbor because she wouldn’t show him a puppy was one of the bleakest things Yr Wonkette wrote about in 2015, and it was. And now that
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Mean Tinder App Won’t Let Everybody #FeelTheBern, In Their Pants
OH GOLLY GEE HIP HOORAY, we think we found a story about the Democratic primary that will NOT make anybody weep and wail and gnash their teeths and beat their breasteses and helicopter their peeners in anger all over internet comments sections! It seems t
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Michigan Gov. Rick Snyder Buys Wife Unleaded Birthday Cake Fit For Marie Antoinette
So let’s say you’re the governor of a state where a city of 100,000 souls has been in the news because you poisoned the water, and where roughly 9,000 children have been exposed to lead, a neurotoxin for which there is no safe level at all. Le
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Hillary Clinton And Ted Cruz Go To The Olive Garden With Satan. Your Weekly Top...
Guten Morgen, Wonkers, WTF does that headline even mean? Did Hillary Clinton and Ted Cruz actually have a caucus with Satan at the Olive Garden and that’s how she winned all those coin flips in the Iowa caucuses? Ted Cruz was just there because he l
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Punchy-Faced Drug Man Martin Shkreli Too Awesome To Talk To Losers In Congress
So you might have noticed that professional douchebag/hip-hop enthusiast Martin Shkreli was all over your Internet this morning being even more of a preening little twerp than normal. Why was this? Because there was a Congressional hearing that surprising
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Planned Parenthood Video Dude Really Excited About Going To Prison, We Guess
At the end of January, we all giggled together about how LOL, David Daleiden of the Center For Medical Progress, the guy who made those fake videos that supposedly show Planned Parenthood selling grande WRITHING BABY PARTS smoothies (with whipped cream on
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The First Rule Of Hillary And Bernie Fight Club Is MOMMY AND DADDY, STOP FIGHTING!
Thursday night’s Democratic debate was fun! As usual, it featured grown-ups saying brain thoughts to each other, as opposed to the poo-flinging zoo creatures on the crowded GOP debate stage. But this time the grown-ups’ faces got all red and t
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Donald Trump Thinks Gays Are Just Terrific, Unless He Doesn’t. Who Even Knows?
Raise your hand if you think Donald Trump believes even half of the stuff that comes out of his mouth. Now if your hand is raised, use it to slap yourself in the face and ask yourself why you are hitting yourself, because you are WRONG. Case in point: Tru
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Let’s Watch Hillary And Bernie Scrap Like Jilted Lovers. Your Democratic Debate Preview
Good morning, Wonkers! Did you watch the super exciting whoa-gazi jam session CNN did with the Democratic candidates last night? Did it send a thrill up your leg and leave a wet spot on your Down Theres? No? OK, well, that’s because town halls are s
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Maine Republican Takes Bold Stand Against Free Lobster For ISIS Terror Bombers
When you are a Republican from Maine, you have to work HARD to come up with new ways to be a dick. Sociopath Gov. Paul LePage’s SPECIALTY, the thing that gives him morning wood, is taking food stamps away from poor people. One time he want
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Rick Santorum Wants To Bareback Marco Rubio. With Votes.
Oh well, guess Rick Santorum’s dreams have died again. Late Wednesday, Santorum surprised exactly no one by declaring that he would no longer be quote unquote “running for president,” and that he has decided Marco Rubio is the change we&
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Gisele Bundchen Sends Message To Patriots Fans For Supporting Tom Brady
New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady had quite the 2015.
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Patriots' AFC Championship Loss Summed Up Perfectly In Memes
The New England Patriots' AFC Championship Game loss to the Denver Broncos on Sunday was met with myriad emotions — and, of course, memes.
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Does Bill Belichick Have Any Regrets in Loss to Broncos?
There was a lot of second-guessing going around New England after the Patriots' AFC Championship Game loss on Sunday.
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Broncos Still NFL's Biggest Cheaters
There's nothing that will change the fact the New England Patriots lost Sunday. But Patriots fans might feel better if they take a few shots at the Denver Broncos on their way out.
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The Most Absurd Moments for The Patriots and The NFL
Monday marks the one-year anniversary of the day NFL fans found out that some people really, really care about the air pressure in footballs.
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Manti Te'o's New Girlfriend, Model Jovi Niicole, Is Real This Time
It looks like Manti Te'o has found himself a new girlfriend. This time, though, she's real.
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Top 12 Team USA Basketball Snubs
Basketball is in the midst of a golden age of talent.
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Jordan Spieth Buys $7M Dallas Mansion With Indoor Basketball Court
Jordan Spieth reportedly bought a mansion worthy of the No. 1 golfer in the world.
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Stephen Gostkowski: Patriots' Family Atmosphere Begins With Robert Kraft
The Patriots' family atmosphere starts with their owner.
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Did the Patriots Strategy vs Miami Help Their Playoff Chances?
But Belichick's plan, unlike the gamble in overtime vs the Jets, at least worked out because New England escaped their final regular season contest seemingly without any further injuries.  
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Why Did the Patriots Fall Flat in Miami?
Keshawn Martin and Brandon LaFell contributed three catches for 11 yards against one of the poorer pass defenses in the league...that isn't getting it done and is unacceptable.
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Floyd Mayweather Shares Photo Of New Pet Tiger On Instagram
Floyd Mayweather is one of the richest athletes in the world and he's not afraid to show it.
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Bill Belichick's Locker Room Message To Patriots
The New England Patriots are officially on the grind.
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The 12 Best Heisman Trophy Winners
The Heisman Trophy, one of the most prestigious awards in sports, will be handed out for the 81st time to the best player in college football.
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Rory McIlroy Reportedly Engaged To Girlfriend Erica Stoll
Don't expect Rory McIlroy and Caroline Wozniacki to rekindle the flame anytime soon.
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Conor McGregor's 10 Best Trash-Talking Moments Will Leave You Crying
Conor McGregor says a lot of crazy things.